I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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