I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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