Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
