I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
