Your face is a jimmy john
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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