hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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