i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
