The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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