The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
