You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
are you so shy because you have an std?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
