things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
