Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
