someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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