Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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