i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
