When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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