i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
