He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
