actually, I'm a sock model
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
