As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
