There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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