i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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