You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
