I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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