we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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