Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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