She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
