I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
