it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
