Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
