I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
