So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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