She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Enjoy the penises
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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