I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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