Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
