Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
