Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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