I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
