Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
