Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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