I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
