2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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