i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
