Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
