My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
