Pappa wants mamma naked
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
