my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
