Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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