Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
