Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
