we have officially lost it.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
