my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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