i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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